I'm offending someone with this post ... I know ...

I'm not a fan of facial hair.

I think beards are just all kinds of nasty.

It's not socially acceptable for women to grow out leg hair and parade it around for all to see. So why is it OK for men to grow nasty hair all over their faces and walk around in public? (Again with the double standard. Remember the whole topless fiasco?)

Facial hair is just strange.

I don't get "playoff" facial hair in any sport. How does having MORE hair on your body help your performance? And really, when your attempts at a playoff beard make you look like a nine year old boy who is entering puberty way too early not yet allowed to shave, well, it's just wrong.

(Take notes, Sidney Crosby, take notes. Your weak attempts at playoff facial hair cost your team - possibly - the Stanley Cup. Think about it.)

I had a boss once who had a mustache.

I'm not a huge fan of mustaches ... however ... I do love my uncle who has a mustache. I'm obviously not incapable of seeing beyond the nasty facial hair.

In the case of my boss, however, I often couldn't see past the fuzzy growth. Probably because I didn't love him.

I would often fixate on his mustache when he was talking and because I would stare at it for so long it would appear to grow and I would suddenly become terrified that it was going to expand so much that it would take over his entire face and he would look like Michael J. Fox in Teenwolf.

One day while I was staring at him I noticed something was lodged between the wiry strands. I was totally grossed out thinking he had some lunch leftovers stashed away for a mid-afternoon snack when I realized I was way off.

It was not food.

It was a GIANT booger.

Caught in his mustache. A giant, gross, booger just stuck there.

I couldn't look away. And I couldn't just let him walk away without warning him. But how on earth do you come up with a way to say "um, you have a booger caught in your 'stache" and not drop dead of embarrassment for you AND the person in peril? It's not possible.

So I didn't say anything. I am a horrible person.

I am a horrible person because five minutes later he announced that he was off to a meeting with a whole bunch of executives. The big guns. With a booger in his 'stache.

There is a special place in the depths of the earth for people like me, I'm sure.