Halloween is two days away.

Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee are beyond excited. We will be escorting a little "Thomas the Train" and "Robin (from Teen Titans)" around the neighbourhood.

Halloween is two days away.

But there are celebrations to be had before the big day - at school and at daycare.  And it seems that the majority of my time the last two days has been spent on conversations about Halloween.

On Thursday - while I was going to the bathroom (you may or may not recall my post about how Mom's have ZERO privacy) - Jackie Chan opened the door and said, "is today the Halloween Parade at school?"


"Jackie Chan, how the heck am I supposed to know if the Halloween Parade is today?  Did you listen to the announcements?  Did your teacher say anything?  And really, could that question not have waited five minutes, I'm kinda in the middle of something right now ...."


"Yeah, but, there wasn't any announcements.  And my teacher didn't say when it was ... she just said there would be a parade sometime."


"I find it somewhat hard to believe that the school would plan a Halloween Parade and not tell the students when it was happening - that's kinda counterproductive."


"What?  What's counterproductive?"


"Never mind.  Do grade three's still go on parade around the school?  I thought it was just the kindergartners that did that."


"Nope ... the grade three's too ..."


"Well ... it's Thursday so I imagine that if there WAS going to be a massive Halloween Parade around your school it would probably be tomorrow."


"Why?  What's tomorrow?"


"Really???"


"WHAT??!!"


"Tomorrow is Friday.  So they'll probably have the parade on Friday.  Can I finish doing what I need to do in here in private now please buddy?"


"Um, but, can I just bring a costume just in case?"


"Sure ... whatever.  Just please get out of the bathroom."


"Ok ... can I bring my stormtrooper costume from last year?"


"Whatever!!! I need you to leave NOW!!!!"


"Ok, OK, I'm going ..."


And yesterday I thought I'd surprise the kids with a little pre-Halloween treat and bought them each a Kinder Surprise Egg.  I spent the better part of the evening listening to Bruce Lee talk about the Kinder Surprise Egg and how he was going to eat it and how he wanted to eat Jackie Chan's too and how it wasn't his only treat and that he was still going Trick 'or Treating even though he had a treat already and how he was going to get it out of the box and take the "skin" off so he could eat the chocolate and then he would ask Mommy to help him make the toy so he could show Daddy and Jackie Chan when they got home that he had a toy and wasn't Mommy nice for getting him a treat before Halloween and how Jackie Chan may not even want to eat his (to which I replied - "for the last time Bruce Lee you are NOT eating Jackie Chan's egg ... let it GO") ....


It really is amazing how many consecutive hours a two year old can spend in constant speech...


... about a Kinder Egg.


This morning the Halloween saga continued.


Bruce Lee was supposed to wear a costume to daycare.  I couldn't find an old costume for him to wear this morning and I wasn't risking the mass destruction of his Thomas the Train costume so I sent him without one thinking it wasn't a big deal.


But when I saw all the other kids sitting around and arriving in FULL costume - some even adorned with face paint and hair colour - I felt sick.  Worst. Mother. Ever.


I felt worse when the teachers all said ... don't worry, we'll find something he can wear so he doesn't feel out of place ... 


Right.  So I'm now the "Mom who doesn't have time to do special things for her kids so the teachers will take pity and intervene."  Fantastic.


So at the risk of having to wait in the "it's-a-Friday-and-its-the-end-of-the-month" line up at the bank I went to Shoppers to see if I could buy Bruce Lee a cheap costume.  


Three minutes later ... spider costume - size one and praying it would fit - in hand ... I ran back to the daycare to show Bruce Lee that his Mommy wasn't a total failure.


The kids were outside so I just left it with the teacher and begged her to put it on him for me and tell him it was from his Mommy.


And then I cried in the bathroom.  Because I'm pregnant.  And I felt like I'd let him down.  Because he deserved to have a fun costume on for the day with face paint and funky hair.  And because I work and I'm tired and there just aren't enough hours in the day I let my little buddy down and I wondered for the nine-hundredth time this month just how parents balance work and life.  


And I know I need to stop beating myself up because I'm not my Mom and I don't have time to make super-awesome homemade Halloween costumes, and sandwiches with ghosts made of marshmallows with chocolate chips for eyes, but I know how special those memories are to me and I can't help but wonder what memories I'm making for my kids ...


A much too-small spider costume brought in as an afterthought?  An impatient conversation about a school Halloween Parade while I'm trying to go to the bathroom?


I just pray that despite all my mistakes as a parent that at the end of each day they go to bed knowing how much Mommy and Daddy love them.  I guess that's all I can do.