Is it vanity if ....

I have created monsters.

I have insisted, from the first day of their lives, that my children look presentable when out in public.

I don't like dirty faces on children. Or stained clothing (not to be confused with messy clothes because they've been at the park or just finished lunch a McDonald's and are now sporting a few ketchup stains ... although even that can occasionally send me over the edge) I mean stained clothes that should not be worn on any kind of family outing. And I require shoes to be worn at all times. And I generally like clean, reasonably tidy hair.

So I have made a fuss about this with my children from day one with each of them. I strongly believe it is important to always put your best foot forward. You just never know ...

So I will tell them to change their shirts if they are stained. Or brush their teeth. Or comb their hair (or put on a hat if its a rush situation). I will tell them when an outfit isn't coordinating. Or if their shirt is too big in comparison to the pants or shorts they are wearing (this happens to be one of my big pet peeves - disproportionate attire).

And so, I have created monsters. I truly never thought it would bite me in the bum.

We have so little time in the morning to get out the door. We have so little time period. So when I'm doing my best to get us ready and out to whatever our destination at that moment is going to be, it is really irritating to have to argue with my children about how they look.

Jackie Chan refuses to leave the house if he has bed head. I'm proud of him on so many levels mind you, but my goodness, the TIME. Sometimes there just isn't time to fix the hair issues.

And lately there are shorts and shirts in his drawers that he just refuses to wear. I think they're fine so what is the problem, right? But he just says straight up, "I'm not wearing that. I don't like those shorts."

When I try to reason with him and ask him why he is suddenly so against a pair of shorts he wore the previous summer with enthusiasm, his default response is "I don't like them because they are uncomfortable."

He says this because subconsciously he knows this is an iron clad statement. No parent is going to force their child to wear something uncomfortable. Especially a parent who was forced to wear Toughskins as a child.

(Toughskins are a brand of jean that my Grandparents discovered somewhere deep in the heart of Florida and graciously brought back to my parents every YEAR so that we could enjoy the benefits of an ugly jean that needed no assistance to stand up on its own, that never wore out and only came in poo brown or navy blue denim - which was NOT cool at the time. We tried to wear out those jeans. We crawled around on gravel on our knees for crying in the sink and still those jeans held up. They never wore out or even looked old. We simply grew out of them. And, given that in all my thirty-four years on this earth I've only managed to grow four feet and eleven inches, you can imagine that I rarely outgrew the Toughskins.)

So I'm not going to force Jackie Chan to wear something uncomfortable. Can't do it. So we spend ten minutes fishing out another pair of comfortable but stylish shorts that match the shirt he has picked out for the day and are without stains.

And then there is Bruce Lee. Even he has realized he can have a say in his wardrobe.

His Uncle Mike bought him some cool t-shirts and now they are all Bruce Lee wants to wear. But we've explained to Bruce Lee that we don't want him to wear them to daycare because then they'll be stained and gross and then Mommy won't let him wear them anymore.

Bruce Lee's well thought out response to this was:

"Want to wear shirts."

No sweetheart ... Mommy doesn't want them to get dirty or ruined. They are for going out, not for wearing to daycare.

"Wear shirts because UNCLE MIKE GAVE THEM TO ME."

I'm momentarily stunned and silenced by the fact that my two and a half year old has just yelled the previous statement at me. But I hold my ground and pull out a shirt I've set aside for daycare use and cram it over his head.

Bruce Lee is less than amused and proceeds to tantrum for a full five minutes while I brush my teeth and inspect Jackie Chan's face and then the tantrum fades and I pick up a defeated Bruce Lee and head out the door.

Little victories. Clean AND obedient children. For today anyway.